Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Things That Piss Me Off

1.  When a man steps onto a mostly empty elevator and stands just a little too close to me.  What?  Did the other side of the elevator piss you off?  I know that you saw me standing here as I am wearing emerald blue with a white pashmina today - I don't blend into the drab corporate decor on purpose.  And don't act so surprised when I step on your foot.  You were standing too close, jackhole.
2.  The fact that my dog is an unmitigated jackhole to me and no-one else.  I could not get the dog in the crate this morning.  He. would. not. go.  And he's over 100 lbs, so pushing or forcing him in just isn't going to happen.  Two minutes after I leave, the nanny asks him into his crate, and he waltzes in all happy to be in there.  Jackhole dog.
3.  Judgy McJudgerson in my office.  The office coffee maker went on the fritz this morning.  I NEED my decalf coffee (I pretend there is real caffeine in there).  After a few minutes of playing with the thing, I managed to make it work.  All proud of myself, I said to the judgy secretary standing near me that if nothing else went right today, at least I had my coffee.  She turned up her nose at me, and said, "well, I guess so."  It was a joke (kind-of) lady.  Geesh, go judge someone else. 
4.  My temper is so much closer to the surface after having the little man.  J and I both need milk to have breakfast.  He eats cereal.  I have carnation instant breakfast.  This morning he left me about a half of a cup of milk.  I poured what little milk remained and then slammed the carton down on the counter, crushing in the top part.  It felt good.  And then I felt guilty for taking out my frustrations on an innocent milk carton - while my son was watching.
5.  The multiple gray hairs along where I part my hair that the horrible flourescent lighting in the bathoom seem to emphasize.  Do they multiply up there while I sit at my desk, because I think there are more now than when I looked in the mirror this morning.
6.  My office is located at the interesection of tourist and undergrad central, which means that the path to starbucks is blocked by 15 italian tourists pointing at some historic landmark and once in starbucks you are treated to a variation of the following:  Vapid Undergrad 1: "I like my sketchers, but I love my prada backpack."  Vapid Undergrad 2: "But I love my sketchers."  Vapid Undergrad 1:  "That's only because you don't have a prada backpack."  (From "10 Things I Hate About You")

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